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An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a hungry grizzly bear. The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man. The atheist screams in terror “God, help me!” Suddenly, the bear, the trees, the birds, everything but the man stops. The man sees the clouds part as a deep voice from the sky bellows. “So all your life, You deny My existence, yet now you call for my aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry, My son, but it is too late.” A quick thinker, the atheist suggest, “Well, God, if it is too late for me to become a Christian, how about you just convert the bear?” Time moves again, and the bear immediately stops its roaring, kneels quietly and respectfully, and speaks, ” God is great, god is good, let us thank him for our food. Ah, men!

What did George Washington say to his troops before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat.

An Apple stockholder, a vegetarian, and an atheist walk into a bar . . . I know because they told everybody there.

An atheist dies and goes to hell
The devil welcomes him and says: “Let me show you around a little bit.” They walk through a beautiful park with green trees and blooming flowers.  The devil shows him a glorious palace and says, “This is your house now, here are the keys.” The atheist smiles and thanks the devil. The devil says, “No need to thank me, everyone gets a nice place to live in when they arrive here.” They continue walking through the nice park, flowers everywhere, when the devil shows the atheist a garage full of new and antique cars. “These cars are yours now” and hands him the car keys. The atheist tries to thank the devil, but he only says, “No need to thank me, everyone gets a nice cars when they arrive here.” They walk on and hell just gets nicer. There are birds chirping, squirrels running around, and kittens and puppies everywhere. They arrive at a fountain, where the most beautiful person the atheist has ever seen is on a park bench. She looks at him and they instantly fall in love with each other. Total joy. The devil says, “Everyone gets to have their soul mate  here, we don’t want anyone to be lonely.” As they walk on, the atheist notices a high fence. He peeks to the other side and shocked at what he sees. There are people dangling over pools of lava, screaming in pain, while little devils run around and stab them with their tridents. Other devils are skinning people alive, heads are spiked – horrors! A stench of sulfur is in the air. Terrified, the man stumbles backwards, and asks the devil “What is going on there?” The devil just shrugs and says, “Those are the Christians, I don’t know why, but they prefer it that way”.

“I know skeptics so skeptical they don’t even believe themselves.” — Ken Hurley